Following is a prayer by Macrina Wiederkehr entitled “The Empty Water Jug” that I read on a friend’s blog today. My friend works and lives among the poor here in Phnom Penh. She is daily confronted with needs and suffering she can’t meet or alleviate, but she keeps going outside and facing what she finds there. Such living will strip illusions away. We live with overwhelming struggles and sorrows never far away, and beauty and abundance. What a joy it is when they really meet.
“…full of things…smothered by gods”
Jesus, I come to the warmth of your Presence
knowing that You are
the very emptiness of God.
I come before You
holding the water jar of my life.
Your eyes meet mine
and I know what I’d rather not know.
I came to be filled
but I am already full.
I am too full.
This is my sickness
I am full of things
that crowd out
Your healing Presence.
A holy knowing steals inside my heart
and I see the painful truth.
I don’t need more
I need less
I am too full.
I am full of things that block out
Your golden grace.
I am smothered by gods of my own creation
I am lost in the forest of my false self
I am full of my own opinions and narrow attitudes
full of fear, resentment, control
full of self pity, and arrogance.
Slowly this terrible truth pierces my heart,
I am so full, there is no room for You.
Contemplatively, and with compassion,
You ask me to reach into my water jar.
One by one, Jesus, you enable me
to lift out the things
that are a hindrance to my wholeness.
I take each on to my heart,
I hear You asking me
” Why is this so important to you ? ”
Like the murmur of a gentle stream
I hear You calling,
” Let go, let go, let go! ”
I pray with each obstacle
tasting the bitterness and grief
it has caused.
Finally
I sit with my empty water jar
I hear you whisper
You have become a space for God
Now there is hope
Now you are ready to be a channel of Life.
You have given up your own agenda
There is nothing left but God.
An article by John Walsh tracing the reasons why Ernest Hemmingway committed suicide — laying out a trail of self-destructive and self-deceptive behavior stretching back to his childhood.
Walsh acknowledges Hemmingway’s genius, but he doesn’t hold back.
It’s easy to be spiteful about Hemingway. All his posturing, his editing of the truth, his vainglorious fibbing… But it’s hard to shake off the feeling that what he was doing wasn’t bravery, but psychotic self-dramatisation. And when you inspect the image of Hemingway-as-hero, you uncover an extraordinary sub-stratum of self-harming. You discover that, for just over half of his life, Hemingway seemed hell-bent on destroying himself.
The article gets some push-back in the comments, probably deserved, but there’s a story here worth examining intently.
Hemmingway aside, it makes me wonder about writers and photographers losing touch with themselves and reality, or becoming prisoners of the images and stories. I know what it’s like to kick words around like stones as I walk, or eat, or drive — spinning out threads of plot and dialogue, or casting about for images everywhere I look. Sometimes it takes my wife or kids several attempts to call me back to attention; and sometimes I return on my own and wonder what I’ve missed.
I’ve claimed that writing about reality, and photography, helps me engage with the world. But that’s not entirely true. It’s engagement with reality that gives me something worth writing and expressing in images. If I don’t engage first, it’s only fabrication. The world is full of that in literature and every kind of art — not to mention in journalism. Works of pretense may be more profitable than works of revelation, certainly easier to come by, but they don’t accomplish much lasting good for me to produce them or anyone else to consume them.
I’m not in position to judge Hemmingway or the value of his work, but his story makes me pause and consider my own authenticity.
John Walsh speculates in this article about why Ernest Hemmingway committed suicide. He doesn’t deny Hemmingway’s brilliance and acts of bravery, but he paints of picture of a man captivated by an image, addicted to alcohol, and bent on self-destruction.
What was bugging Hemingway? Why all the drinking, the macho excess, the manic displays of swaggering? Why was he so drawn to war, shooting, boxing and conflict? Why did he want to kill so many creatures? Was he trying to prove something? Or blot something out of his life?
I’m struck that a man like Hemmingway, who seemed to live a BIG life that others aspire to, might have never been truly free; this man of far reaching imagination, a genius at crafting stories, may never have seen his own story truly. Did he taste the fullness of life, or was he so desperate to escape a shallow existence that he attempted it with a pen and his imagination?
I know what it’s like to walk around looking for stories and pictures, spinning bits and pieces of narratives and dialogues as I walk like kicking stones. I can easily get lost in the words; it’s like listening to another voice, or voices, that can please the crowd better than I can — a fantasy. What if I got lost in that?
If I write, or tell stories with pictures or video, I want these to come from myself. I don’t want to craft myself from the stories.
I’d rather give up playing with words and images entirely than lose my own often tenuous connections to the world and people and God in this moment — to my own wife and children, who are upstairs going to sleep as I type. The greatest story I know is the story I get to live, and it’s happening way to fast, or slow, to write about. I suppose I could write about watching the wind blow through the grass as I walked by the river this evening, but who would want to read about that — or write about it (once the moment passes). Okay, Annie Dillard. I don’t know how she did it; and I could only read half of that book.
I’ve recently been reading a blog by a former Christian, someone whose “evangelical credentials” were as conservative as can be. How does someone like that lose faith? Or has she? She’s gone off the beaten path and down the slippery slope, yet she’s followed a certain logic that she explains (prolifically). Here’s a question she asks.
So how do we figure out what we really believe and don’t believe? I think this can only take place if we sense an element of personal freedom. As long as we are slaves who must conform to some imposed standard in order to be loved, it won’t be easy to discern our subconscious mind. Do I really believe that or have I only been pressured, or enticed to believe that? We need to know that we’re going to still be loved (at least by our own selves) if we step over the boundaries.
Do you know what you believe if you’ve never felt a freedom to really disbelieve (i.e., without losing the love of God)?
Last month a friend invited me to sign up for Moolala. Then I did something extremely unusual for me (because I’m usually immune to these things). I took his advice. Here are the reasons why, and why I’m recommending Moolala to you.
Three reasons to try Moolala
1. Moolala looks like a like a solid, respectable company. I feel good about joining and recommending it. People who sign up should genuinely appreciate the service. (See more below.)
2. There’s a realistic chance to make some extra income here, based on the timing and Moolala’s profit sharing plan. Moolala has a good, generous plan for sharing profits with users (see the video below). Most importantly, Moolala hasn’t launched yet, so most people haven’t heard of it yet. Those who sign up now have a window of opportunity to make much money through referrals. Once everyone is hearing about Moolala left and right, that moment will pass.
3. Moolala is a zero pressure service that can only succeed by giving people who sign up a positive experience. I can’t find any reason not to give them a chance to impress me.
Moolala is shaping up as a legitimate company with a strong chance to succeed in a big way. It is led by Josh Chodniewicz (co-founder and former CEO of art.com) with an all-star team. Dr. Tony Dale is listed as an adviser to the executive team. He is the Chairman and Co-Founder of Karis Group and a respected Christian leader. Jonathan Dale, the Chief Operating Officer, is a student of Seth Godin, and you can see the evidence of that already. I really expect Moolala to go places.
Moolala’s service is similar to Groupon (a popular “daily deal” service) with the addition of Moolala’s profit-sharing system and unique style. Customers get special deals (think “unique local deals that make your day” not generic coupons). It’s a great service for local businesses to promote themselves, and Moolala gets commissions which they share with the users. Everyone who signs up with Moolala gets lifelong two percent commissions on all purchases made by friends they refer, plus friends referred by friends, plus friends referred by friends of their friends (for five levels of referrals).
Example: If 10 people who read this sign up for Moolala, and each of them refers Moolala to 10 others who sign up (and this pattern repeats four more times), that’s 100,000 people. I not saying it will work out that way, just trying to show the potential.
My experience making money online
Over the past few years, I’ve made a decent amount of money by recommending phone services through a website I made in 2001. It was a simple idea that didn’t take much time (once I learned the basics), but the income I made was enough to help my family get through some lean times when we were living in Japan. The reason why it worked was that I received generous “life long commissions” for all the customers I referred. People have asked me how they can make money the same way that I did, and I always say it’s too late. Long distance services are already becoming outdated, and too many people are promoting them. The principle I learned is that it’s very important to choose services well and move when the timing is right.
Last thoughts
I hate advertising that appeals to greed, and I don’t mean to do that. I think Moolala is a company using the Internet well. That’s why I think it will work, and it makes sense for them to share the profits. I don’t mind being a small part of that.
Watch this video for more details about how Moolala shares profits with users:
One last thing, Moolala isn’t a pyramid scheme. Pyramid schemes require you to pay money to join, and they’re illegal. You don’t have to pay anything or buy anything at all with Moolala. Services like this get loads of free advertising from their users. Moolala is willing to pay, because they hope motivated users will help the company succeed that much better.
If you have thoughts, concerns, or questions, please let me know. I hope you appreciate this post. If not, sorry for taking your time.
Learn more on Moolala’s website