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Moving and letting go of the past

I’m sitting here on the verge of feeling overwhelmed. We’re moving out of this apartment in a few days, and we’re only taking with us what we can bring on the plane to Cambodia. Everything else will be sold or given away, except for the boxed books and memorabilia we’ll keep at Hitomi’s parents’ house.

I don’t mean to sound dramatic, but it’s a strange feeling. I’m 42, and what have I got? And how did that question get into my head?

Yesterday, I dropped off a toy stroller at a friend’s house. I hesitated to leave. I realized it was the pull of that stroller. One year we gave the twins a pair of toy strollers for the birthday, and they’ve never outgrown them. My kids have imaginations run wild. When they pretend, I can’t help but smile. Seeing the stroller go, I remembered the delighted smiles when my daughter first saw it.

Something significant is slipping away, but it’s not the stuff. Seeing these things reminds me that my kids will never be that young again. The lesson here is not to cling to what I can’t hold onto, but to open my eyes and see the blessings of today and live with nothing held back. Time is moving, and I’m moving with it. It’s really only grace that gives me hope, because everything else is passing away.

November 8, 2004

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 1 Cor 13:13

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A dusty jewel beckons, and we’re moving there

We’re moving to Cambodia!

Most people who personally know me have gotten the information, but I realized I’ve never posted the news here. You may have guessed; I think readers here won’t be surprised.

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I find myself pausing, recently, and thinking about our journey these past eight years in Japan. Sometimes Hitomi and I just stop and say, Wow (or Sugoi). The twins were born in year one. We suffered a lot more than we’d anticipated during our first few years here, between pregnancy, culture shock, language learning, $10/pound hamburger, and more than doubling the size of our family. I began to change then, and I just kept changing.

We made a temporary move to the other side of Tokyo in 2003, and two years later we came to Hachioji. We were drawn by the mountains hills. Before deciding where to live, we connected with our kids’ future preschool/outdoors school while camping near the base of Mount Fuji. I saw some kids kayaking and having a great time, so I talked with one of the fathers. Later, I blew up a picture on the computer, to get the name of the school. We searched on Google and discovered it was within a triangle we’d already drawn on the map (two hours from where we’d met at the campground).  One thing led to another. Today I stopped by the preschool to drop off a couple things, and I felt like I was with my people. A mother gave me a card written by her daughter for the twins, another gave me a gift, and one of the teachers got all teary as I turned to leave. I know we’ll be back to visit, and I know we’ll be treated like long lost family.

It’s fitting that our experience here started with a human connection — a gift from God, I think.

We developed Global Adventure. Our first event was a trip to the USA, but the next summer nobody signed up. We thought about taking groups of Japanese to the mountains in Japan. I also thought about taking groups to India or some other place where they could see how the two thirds world lives. I had a connection in Cambodia, though, and he introduced me to the director of a Children’s Community there. Eventually, we focused all our efforts on the trips to Cambodia. That has led to rich relationships in Cambodia and a small but  growing community in Japan. I’ve been part of some wonderful communities in the past, and they all have their own internal momentum. This community is just starting to stir up. We’ve been in constant communication all week with volunteers who are patching together an accounting plan and discussing purpose statements and logos (designed by a woman I took to Cambodia two years ago). Hitomi met with two past participants today just to talk. She’ll meet another briefly tomorrow at a nearby train station, and another two or three are coming for dinner.

It’s funny, but our plan to leave stirred the water more than almost anything else we’ve done. It looks like we’ll miss the best part, but, of course, we won’t. We have a growing list of people who have promised to visit us in Phnom Penh. We’re looking forward to a community developing in Cambodia, and we trust the relationships here can endure (and thrive) despite the distance.

Anyway, we’re just following the road as it opens up before us. I have a wonderful image of this from a book called the Sacred Romance that changed (or crystallized) my view of following God. Our “plan” is to move to Cambodia for two years and establish Project Friends (the new name for Global Adventure). After two years, we hope we’ll have a good idea whether to return to Japan or stay longer. We really care about the Japanese participants and the community that will grow in Japan, and we’ll probably have a growing love for people (including Japanese) in Cambodia by then. We’ll see where this road leads as we travel further on it.

I’m pretty excited. Before coming to Japan, I spent time in Soweto, South Africa. I lived in East LA in a neighborhood full of wonderful and broken people. I spent time in Mexico learning Spanish. To put it simply, I may feel a better “fit” in Phnom Penh than amidst the wealth and rush of Tokyo. Then again, I’m learning that I can be at home anywhere. I could stay in Japan and be happy; and I can also take these two years as a gift.

Well, that’s my news. I don’t know how many of “readers” I have who will take notice, but for those who are paying attention, stick around and enjoy the show.

Finally, here’s a few details for those who want to know:

We’ll live in Phnom Penh. The city used to be called one of the jewels of the orient (though a quick search on Google reveals just about every prominent city in Asia all the way to Cairo claims that honor). Anyway, now it’s a dusty jewel, not exactly the kind of place you go on vacation (that would be a few hours away in Siem Reap). Every country has it’s “dust” though, except perfect places that exist only in dreams, or somewhere in New Zealand. (Respectful pause)

The kids will go to an international school. We actually wanted to switch them to international school, and we couldn’t have afforded any of the schools in Japan, so we’re grateful for this timing.

We’ll visit the USA first, and we’ll head for Cambodia in July. I’m getting to the age when time starts to move more quickly. Right now it seems like each time I blink I find myself getting ready to leave for a different country.

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Mother’s love, a bath in a Phnom Penh slum

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I liked the mother and her son from the moment I saw them, and I love this series of photos. I took them in Andong Village, a slum that I often visit about 25km outside Phnom Penh. The people who live there have been through great hardships, and they are still in a tough place. The stress of living in such conditions often erupts into fighting within families and between residents. Yet a mother’s love for her son will shine though almost any circumstances.

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Making Buddha at Wat Lanka

This is just a photographic sketch I made one afternoon in Phnom Penh. I take photos like these as a way to observe and learn; and I enjoyed talking to the people as I photographed them. It was in February, just before Chinese New Year. I walked into Wat Lanka, a Buddhist temple, and saw several young men and one older man at work. I don’t think any of them do wood working as a profession, though I could be wrong. My impression was that they showed up and learned. Perhaps they are carving images of Buddha to earn merit, or dollars (the statues were being made to sell). Buddhism in Cambodia is very practical. Young men become monks for spiritual reasons and/or because they want a place to live, food to eat, and an education. Most are monks for a few years, and some continue for life. I didn’t know what motives these men had for their labor, but I admired the care they put into the task.

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Good and bad news

First the bad: “…a family in Texas pretends to be Christian so that their children won’t be excluded from play dates.” (h/t Kottke)

We found by experience that if we were truthful about not being regular church attenders, the play dates suddenly ended.

This just makes me sad. At the same time, it’s behavior like this that exposes false religion for what it is. Until people realize much of what goes under the guise of Christianity has nothing to do with what Jesus taught, they won’t go in search of the real thing.

The good news is that Wayne Jacobsen has published a new issue of Body Life, a semi-regular online magazine. I recommend the feature article,  How do I…?

It’s a wonderful reflection on Luke 14, Jesus’ story about taking the seat of least honor when invited to a banquet.

I don’t think Jesus’ point was to take the last place as a way to get to what you think is first place. Maybe his point was that the last place in a room is really the best place to enjoy him and love others in a way that is meaningful and transforming. Maybe that is why he washed the disciples feet as the greatest demonstration of his affection for them, and encouraged them to do the same.

It seems the message of Jesus is still bouncing off the ones who seem to be insiders and sometimes landing on the anonymous servants who prefer to keep it that way. I pray God will continue to free me from my own ambitions and selfish pursuits after things, good and not so good, that fall short of living loved and loving as he loves me.

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Sometimes my kids get it

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